Omegle
by Erun1
Summary: SO this is what I've been doing while I cry over my dead story chapters. Don't have to read, just wanted to save the convos somewhere...basically I'm Loki. Mentions of yaoi or slash, and OOC and funniness. Some Thor bashing.
1. Chapter 1

OK so, this is so freaking entertaining for me. I stayed up till like 10 talking to these people who thought I was Loki and they were someone else XD if you want to read, go ahead, I just wanted to save these somewhere.

**You:** Hello, mortal

**Stranger:** Oh, hello...Thor?

**You:** Take another guess. Thor is too much of an oaf to use a Midgardian laptop correctly.

**Stranger:** Oh, hey Loki.

**You:** I applaud you, although I suppose that there aren't too many Asgardians known to Midgard. Hello.

**Stranger:** It's me, Bruce. We...met, but I was the other guy.

**You:** Ah. The other guy, not my favorite green monster.

**Stranger:** Neither is him with me.

**You:** I suppose you do not know many more beasts, however. But it surprises me, you seem quite...kind.

**Stranger:** Yes, it's only because if I let myself go, the other guy takes over.

**You:** So, if I antagonize you, I set the raging green monster on whoever is nearby?

**Stranger:** Depends. I tend to be in control of him as of late...it's odd.

**You:** That sounds like...fun. To create chaos wirelessly, in another dimension, sounds amusing.

**Stranger:** Not really.

**You:** I suppose is depends on your point of view. For me, being on palace arrest is quite boring.

**Stranger:** How'd you get the laptop?

**You:** I can use magic, it is quite simple. Although, most of my magical supply has been drained, I can summon petty things such as money, gold, laptops, food, whatever.

**Stranger:** Well, that seems nice. Why not buy your way out? I mean, Asgard has a method of bail, right?

**You:** No, of course not. I suppose I could mate with the head guard, but he is quite filthy.

**Stranger:** Why would you want to do that? You could use the internet, or read, or something.

**You:** Well, I am bored, and blackmailing the head guard with sex is quite entertaining. Reading, I've already read every book in existence on your planet.

**Stranger:** Oh? Even books yet to be written from my perspective?

**You:** Once they are on the internet, I have read them. It is quite simple, really. I am even aware of the emails Fury sends. Your science is much like simple magic, I can literally 'surf the internet'. I like the war games the best.

**Stranger:** Even such tomes as Ulysses? How about something a bit longer? How about...homestuck?

**You:** Yes. Although, I must say, your human literature isn't as interesting as Asgard. Where is the magic, the knowledge?

**Stranger:** Um...I feel like it's slowly being wasted away in areas, but fortified in others.

**You:** Well said. But you, Doctor Banner, would not believe how much there is on the internet about you.

**Stranger:** Oh...um...what about me is on the internet?

**You:** Everything, nothing. Your age, description, history, personal history, more things. Something known as MARVEL.

**Stranger:** MARVEL? I've never heard of it before.

**You:** Nor did I...it's our lives, in book or comic book form. And they filmed us fighting. How did they film us fighting?

**Stranger:** I am.

**Stranger:** I have no idea, I mean, it's not like Tony could've...oh shit. JARVIS has cameras throughout the tower, it could easily mean...

**Stranger:** He's taking our lives, and selling it?

**You:** I'm not sure...I mean, he even got in my talk with the Other, something that was only in my mind and his. So strange...

**Stranger:** I'm kind of weirded out by this now. It's sort of disturbing on how this all works...maybe there's something behind it all?

**You:** Hmm...perhaps it is the work of some higher up god or titan. And then there are these...stories. Disturbing stories..

**Stranger:** Such as what? I mean...it can't be worse than what's happened, right?

**You:** Oh myself...it can. It can be much worse. So much worse, doctor. And although it is not completely foreign to me, I'm sure that you have never done such things..

**Stranger:** Done such things as what? Is it so scandalous to assume I've been...doing illicit things?

**You:** *awkward silence*

**You:** Let us change the subject..

**Stranger:** No, I want to know what it depicts.

**You:** Uhh...normally it is you and the man of Iron or Captain America...having sex..

**Stranger:** What?

**You:** of course the most popular pairing is myself and Thor...

**Stranger:** I've never slept with either of them, but...Tony and Steve haven't made an advance on me, ever.

**You:** I have not slept with the man or Iron nor my brother, at least not in a few centuries. And they seem to be fake, however, they are quite disturbing.

**Stranger:** In a few centuries...meaning you've had sex with him?

**Stranger:** Well, at least it hasn't gone so far as to me having sex with Thor, or you doing it with Tony...

**You:** Of course. Why wouldn't I. I have not 'done it' with Iron Man, for he is too old and mortal.

**Stranger:** Aren't you two brothers?

**You:** Well, we are not by blood, but we didn't know at the moment. He was drunk, I was drunk, and it just happened.

**Stranger:** Oh...wow. I didn't know that.

**Stranger:** And...the last time I've done it, was...well...I can't even remember.

**You:** Yes, well, I'm pretty sure that I had recently done it with the Other, although i don't exactly remember. I've had about 5 children, two living happily, one the ruler of Hell, one a wolf banished and chained on an island, and the last my father's steed,

**Stranger:** The other? And...how did you give birth to animals? I mean, you're a guy? Unless you have some sort of ability to mother creatures and create the organs to make that happen.

**You:** I gave birth to a horse with 8 legs, the others I did not give birth to. Believe it or not, I do have a wife.

**You:** I was a mare at the time, by the way.

**Stranger:** Oh. So...was the fling with Thor while you were married?

**You:** No. It is a long tale.

**Stranger:** Oh.

**Stranger:** How long are you going to be in Asgard?

**You:** For another 25 years, although I did manage to get out of the palace today. So maybe another few years before I can escape.

**Stranger:** I see, so...what do you plan to do when you get out?

**You:** Cause chaos, etc. Nothing major, jsut a few pranks, walking traffic cones, bendy street lamps, the works.

**Stranger:** Okay, if it was more, I'd have to tell Thor.

**You:** That would be fine, go ahead and tell him anyway.

**Stranger:** Why? You want some attention?

**You:** Not exactly, it would just be amusing to see him so disappointed that I would go back to tricks.

**Stranger:** Why would it be amusing?

**You:** I must be going now, the prison guard is approaching, and I don't wish to be caught. It would simply be entertaining to see his face when his 'baby brother' resorts to mischief again.

**Stranger:** Alright, talk to you later...maybe


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I forgot to say this before..ALL OF MY CHAPTERS I HAD NOT UPLOADED WERE LOST ALONG WITH MY NEW ITOUCH AND THE COMPUTER. Stupid hurricane, HONESTLY. Like, it targeted ME ONLY! Nobody else's stuff was dripped on or blown away, NOOOO. Honestly, I'm cheezed off. I'm sorry you guys, this is the best I've got.

**You:** Hello, Midgardian.

**Stranger:** Hi, Loki!

**You:** Ah, so you have already discovered my name? Curse these things, they reveal much.

**Stranger:** Hehe, well it was kinda easy to deduce.

**You:** Really?

**You:** Damn..

**Stranger:** Sorry? There aren't too many people that refer to us as "Midgardians" and I guess I've learned to identify your quirks?

**You:** I suppose I can allow such a mistake on your part. Although, Thor might refer to your people as Midgardians.

**Stranger:** True, but Thor sounds different from you.

**You:** Ah. True, the oaf does sound different, I suppose

**Stranger:** Yep!

**Stranger:** I bet you can't guess who /I/ am though ;)

**You:** What is your name, so I might know when I take over your world?

**You:** And no, I cannot.

**You:** I do not trifle myself with mortals, I apologize.

**Stranger:** Aww, no fun.

**Stranger:** Though, maybe that's better for me in the wrong run :p

**Stranger:** This is Darcy.

**You:** Darcy...sounds slightly familiar, I'm sure my brother has ranted about someone similar to you..

**Stranger:** Aww :( Is it because of the tasering? Because that was /one/ time!

**You:** Ah. You are that human! I must congratulate you.

**Stranger:** Uh, thanks? I'd be lying if I said I regretted it though.

**You:** I admire that, if you were not a human, I might have befriended you.

**Stranger:** Gee, thanks

**You:** What? Have I offended you. I would be lying if I said I regretted it.

**Stranger:** Hah!

**Stranger:** good one :p

**You:** Why, thank you. How is earth, I have not seen it in a while, and my punishment is intolerably boring.

**Stranger:** It's good. Had an election. Good times.

**Stranger:** NY is still pretty busted up though. That's less fun.

**You:** Election? And yes, the Chitauri were aiming for that.

**Stranger:** Good thing they had thier asses handed to them, then huh?

**You:** I would agree. Although, I am slightly worried. They did promise me quite...unsavory things if I were to fail them, and I quite obviously have.

**Stranger:** Ouch. I'd feel more sorry for you if you didn't have such an obvious hate on for me and my people.

**You:** Ah. I do not necessarily hate your people, just your insistence on being free. I was born to be a king.

**Stranger:** Oh, well that's ok then*

*note sarcasm.

**You:** Sarcasm...not smart when speaking to a god.

**Stranger:** But you've gotta be pretty safe in alien jail, right? I mean you're in the middle of your big fortress in the sky?

**Stranger:** Oh gosh! Now I am really in trouble!

**You:** Uh, no. I'm not in jail, I've been put into palace arrest and Thor is being persistent on spending time with me. He's under the impression that I'm currently taking a 10 hour long shower... And wait until you're around 50 when my arrest is over.

**Stranger:** LOL, ok then. I'll pencil it into my calender.

**You:** ..? Pencil? What is that, a Midgardian device of destruction?

**Stranger:** If you're using it right.

**Stranger:** it's for writing stuff down :D

**You:** Oh. I simply use a quill and ink, much simpler.

**Stranger:** Not really. Pencils are pretty basic stuff.

**Stranger:** Much easier to use then quill and ink.

**Stranger:** Most people don't even know how to use that!

**You:** I disagree. It is much easier to use a quill and pen, even Thor knows how to use one, that blithering idiot. I'm sure Fandral or Hogun know as well.

**You:** ink not pen

**Stranger:** Well, it's practically a lost art here on earth. We've got tech to make things way simpler than that. But I've gotta admit calligraphy is kinda sweet.

**You:** Calligraphy? You mean that sloppy writing that you mortals call pensmanship

**You:** ?

**Stranger:** w/e. If you think you can do better, I'd like to see it. :p

**You:** I would send you an image, but my magic is currently being sealed and Thor just found out that the Loki in the shower was fake.

**Stranger:** Hehe, oops

**Stranger:** You could always send me and actual sample?

**Stranger:** *an

**You:** Why on Valhalla would I do that for a mortal?

**Stranger:** To defend your penmanship honour. Because I was sassing you about it, obviously.

**You:** Sass? I am not aware of such words. Wait for a moment, I must talk to my brother for a second.

**Stranger:** Sure. And it means being cheeky, or sarcastically disrespectful :D

**You:** HELLO HUMAN. I APOLOGIZE IF MY BROTHER WAS BEING RUDE, AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I CANNOT TYPE IN NORMAL, PUNY LETTERS.

**Stranger:** Heee, hi Thor! This is Darcy :)

**Stranger:** And he wasn't being anything I couldn't handle.

**You:** DARCY? HELLO! HOW IS JANE? HOW ARE YOU? HOW IS MIDGARD? AND THAT IS GOOD, FOR MY BROTHER HAS BEEN A SLIGHT NUISANCE LATELY.

**Stranger:** She's good. Still working too hard. I'm peachy, and Earth is fine, thanks for asking.

**You:** PEACHY? WHO TURNED YOU INTO A FUZZY MIDGARDIAN FRUIT?

**Stranger:** LOL, it just means I'm good. Like peaches.

**You:** PEACHES ARE MEANT TO BE EATEN. ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU HUMANS ARE CANNIBALISTIC?

**Stranger:** NO! I'm not edible. Well, if you want to be strictly accurate I probably am but that'

**Stranger:** that's beside the point. It's just an expression.

**You:** OH. AND IT APPEARS THAT I FOUND OUT WHY THE STRANGE LETTERS THAT I TYPE ARE LARGE, THERE IS A GREEN LIGHT ON NEXT TO THE WORDS CAPS LOCK. ALTHOUGH I AM NOT SURE HOW TO TURN IT OFF.

**Stranger:** Just push that button.

**You:** thank you, lady darcy.

**Stranger:** No problem! So, Loki's giving you trouble, huh? What a shocker :p

**You:** Well, there was that small incident in New York, but now he's just resorted to small pranks. He set a bilgesnipe on the palace guards so he could slip out undetected.

**Stranger:** How is it that he's got the run of the place? and SMALL incident?

**Stranger:** Sheesh, you guys are lax.

**Stranger:** I mean, 25 years of being grounded seems kinda light for trying to enslave us all :/

**You:** He did not truly mean it, Loki is troubled. And he has to keep his magic to a minimum and is confined to the palace.

**Stranger:** He didn't mean it? He's still going on about how he we're supposed to be subjugated.

**You:** Well...I must speak with him later. But when he fell, he experienced some truly horrifying things. I do not blame him, but my father and myself.

**Stranger:** Really? So this is a rehab deal then?

**You:** Rehab? Your human speech still confuses me.

**Stranger:** Rehabilitation. Fix 'em up :D

**You:** Oh. My brother is not a toy, nor a machine, I do not believe that you can merely fix him.

**Stranger:** Change him for the better then - help him get over his issues so he's a good guy, you know?

**You:** My brother won't exactly be a 'good guy' as you say...

**You:** I believe he is filling the throne room with a mortal snack you call 'Jell-O'?

**Stranger:** I figured he'd use me as a distraction for you.

**You:** He is quite smart, although Fandral could eat everything in a mere 10 minutes, so no harm, really.

**Stranger:** Well, I'd really appreciate it if you could do something for those homicidal impulses because I think we may have a murder-date in 25 years.

**You:** I shall attempt to. You are going to date my baby brother?

**Stranger:** Not in so many words. He's just promised a rather terrifying visit once he's out.

**You:** Good, because instructing another maiden on how to treat my brother properly would be tiring.

**Stranger:** Yikes

**Stranger:** Somehow I'd be more worried for the /maiden/

**You:** Don't be, Loki was always quite the gentleman. Although, he would get annoyed when I followed him on dates.

**Stranger:** Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed too.

**Stranger:** no wonder he's so pent up, lol

**You:** I was only attempting to protect him, though. :c

**Stranger:** Yeah, those maidens can be tricky and highly dangerous.

**You:** Yes, see! I must show Loki, someone agrees with me!

**Stranger:** I was being sarcastic.

**You:** The man of Iron showed me how to create an alien face using the keyboard 8==D

**Stranger:** Sweet

**Stranger:** So you afraid of /Jane/ then?

**You:** No, for Jane has proven herself a trusty and worthy woman. Those ladies that Loki would date were often not worthy, in my eyes at least.

**Stranger:** Wow, now I'm offended.

**You:** Oh, not you Lady Darcy. Although, if you ever attempt to electrocute him, know that I will be quite angry.

**Stranger:** I don't plan on it, but I reserve the right to defend myself.

**You:** Yes, of course, but you will be treated as guilty as when the great horse mated with my brother.

**You:** It shan't be pleasant for you.

**Stranger:** So you're saying that when Loki inevitably comes after me for whatever it is he's planning, I've gotta choose between just letting him torture/kill me or whatever and being punished by you for defending myself?

**Stranger:** I'm starting to rethink my previous endorsement of your relationship with my friend.

**You:** Ah, no my lady. Not like that.

**Stranger:** Then like what, exactly?

**You:** If Loki harms you, then he shall be scolded. But for a mortal to harm a god requires much power, and you would manage to wound him only if you stabbed or such, and then I shall become angry. Unless he attempts to kill you.

**Stranger:** Oh, well I'm glad to hear that he'd be /scolded/ if he tortured me. I'm sure the thought of that has him quaking in his stylish boots.

**You:** Oh, it most likely does. The last time he was scolded, it escalated into sewing his lips shut.

**Stranger:** Well I'm sure he's learned his lesson and won't let the scolding escalate in the future.

**You:** I hope so, it seemed most painful.

**You:** Ah, my brother is back, I shall now hand the small digital thing to him.

**Stranger:** Yeah sure.

**You:** Hello, was my older brother harassing you?

**Stranger:** Big time.

**Stranger:** Your brother's kind of an ass.

**You:** I'm painfully aware.

**Stranger:** He basically said that if I try to defend myself against you, he'll do something terrible to me.

**Stranger:** Which, I'm regretting repeating to you right now. Not my finest hour :(

**You:** Overprotective...the last time I dated, he played 1,000 questions. And it is quite alright.

**Stranger:** Yeah he mentioned that dangers of maidens to me.

**Stranger:** So.. does that mean that you're /not/ gonna torture me or whatever?

**You:** No, torture is beneath me. It is disgustingly cruel.

**Stranger:** Well that's a relief. I don't fancy being killed either, just to let you know.

**You:** I do not kill for fun, it was necessary to get my point across.

**Stranger:** So... you aren't coming after me for something unspeakable in 25 years?

**You:** I will come, but not for something unspeakable. Most likely, in 25 years, my brother will have annoyed me into my old self, unfortunately.

**Stranger:** Your old self?

**You:** He never informed you of how I used to be?

**You:** Good, it is quite embarrassing, now that I reflect upon it.

**Stranger:** He was too busy being passive-agressively threatening because apparently I'm /scary/ and /bad/

**Stranger:** But dish - I wanna know what you were like!

**You:** ...if you inform anyone of this, I shall indeed come for you before my 25 years are over...

**Stranger:** OK, ok, I get it! I will be the picture of discretion

**You:** I suppose. But when I was young, I would follow Thor around much like a puppy. We would play together, have small wars, I would prank father with him, and I would seek him for comfort.

**Stranger:** Awww! Don't worry your secret's safe with me. Though I'm not seeing Thor as the best role model ever.

**You:** He was not, he often got us into trouble.

**Stranger:** I bet. None of this is making me feel more comfortable, lol

**You:** With what or whom? Myself, Thor...?

**Stranger:** Either? Both? Though the ship's already sailed for Thor, I'm afraid.

**You:** I hope I can turn it back around. He really is a caring person, kind and slightly rash, and extremely stupid. But he is just worried for me, ever since my last children, he has been worried about my every relationship.

**Stranger:** Why should you care if I like him or not? I'm just some mortal.

**You:** True to that, however, I'm sure that he would be quite upset if he discovered that you did not like him. And I do not fancy a sobbing Thor pounding down my door at 12:00 AM.

**Stranger:** I think he knows how I feel.

**Stranger:** Look, can we stop talking about Thor?

**You:** Of course? What would you prefer to talk about?

**Stranger:** Anything, though I'd still like to know if I should be fortifying my apartment and learning martial arts between now and your little visit.

**You:** Ah, that would be wise. How would you make a smile on this damnable device?

**Stranger:** :) or :D or ^_^

**Stranger:** So, you are planning something nasty for me :/

**You:** Not necessarily, however, if I come and the Chitauri come after me, perhaps learning from the Black Widow would be smart. :D

**Stranger:** Aww, that's almost bordering on concern!

**You:** ...I just uhh...simply do not wish to be stuck with a mortal who can not defend herself..

**Stranger:** Stuck? What do you mean?

**You:** Uhh...if we were in the same vaccinity and happened to be fighting for our lives, I do not wish to fight while having to make sure that I do not hit you, while protecting you from fatal wounds. You should learn to do that yourself

**Stranger:** ^_^ shucks, that's sweet. I actually /am/ taking lessons. Seemed prudent, what with Jane having a big target on her back.

**You:** Ah, good. :D

**Stranger:** Thanks for making me feel better.

**You:** It was all your pleasure. Truly, it only made you feel better.

**Stranger:** Well that's even sweeter of you. ;)

**Stranger:** look at you, being all selfless :D

**You:** I suppose I should say thank you? And, I try.

**Stranger:** Can I return the favour? What'd make you feel better?

**You:** Being free to use my magic.

**Stranger:** Well, I can't do that for you, sorry.

**Stranger:** Anything else?

**You:** Not particuraly..

**You:** I suppose you can come to Asgard and bring some sort of device to help cure my boredom.

**Stranger:** What about a Kindle?

**You:** Kindle? Some sort of Midgardian fire

**You:** ?

**Stranger:** Hehe, no it's device that holds books. You can bring pretty much any book onto it.

**You:** Oh...that sounds nice..

**Stranger:** :D I knew you'd like it! Are mortals allowed to visit though? And if I do Thor's probably gonna take it the wrong way and start lecturing me?

**You:** Most likely no and maybe. I can transport you here easily, as I did the frost giants, and Thor will just have to deal with it.

**Stranger:** Well, I'm still pissed at him, so if it makes him uncomfortable, then bonus! Though I don't want to be at the receiving end of whatever it is that he thinks is necessary for "maidens" when they fraternize with you.

**You:** Uhh, he normally just yells and summons a little lightening. If they aren't gone, then he ties them to a horse and sends them off.

**Stranger:** Have I mentioned that your brother sucks?

**You:** Many times :D

**Stranger:** Well, it bears repeating. His behaviour is terrible, for you and all the ladies.

**You:** I'm aware :( he is truly an oaf

**Stranger:** That does not for a happy teenage life make. LOL

**You:** Please, explain that to him. Honestly, he cannot understand that I'm now over 1000 years old, I'm not 6! And in appearance and physically, I'm around 25-30.

**Stranger:** I'll try, but I don't much fancy having to talk to him again, to be honest. Did you ever try sticking up for the girls?

**You:** Last time I did, I got a sex talk from my older brother. A SEX TALK. Gods, that man!

**Stranger:** Why would you need that talk twice?

**You:** Trust me, I have gotten it plenty of times.

**Stranger:** awkward. You should give it to him, over Jane.

**Stranger:** Give him some of his own medicine.

**You:** Great idea. I am really starting to enjoy your way of thinking.

**Stranger:** Heh, thanks

**Stranger:** I say you go ahead and give him a demonstration to why his hehviour does not for good nookie make.

**Stranger:** *behaviour

**You:** I shall go do so...I must go, for there is something I wish to speak to my brother about. I pray that we meet again, Lady Darcy, for you are probably the only mortal who's company I shall ever enjoy. Good evening.

**Stranger:** Well thanks! I like you too :D Take care!

**You:** You too.


	3. Chapter 3

hahaha omfj, this was sooo funny XD at the time anyway...

* * *

**You:** Greetings.

**You:** Mortal...

**Stranger:** Im an asgardian. Not a mortal.

**You:** Sure. I'm positive that if you were an Asgardian, then like the rest of these idiotic oafs, you would not know how to work a Midgardian device.

**Stranger:** FUCK. I GOT BUSTED

Your conversational partner has disconnected.


End file.
